the other ten

ten things right with the world to balance my negative ten wrong things (these are not sarcastic)
1. Coke, which i just found out is much better than diet coke. And what do you know, its thanks to my grave yard, which was previously ten wrong thing.
2. Iceburg cookie dough malt shakes at ten.
3. The people I spend time with (and a few of the ones i rarely get to see). They make it on the list because they all tolerate my crazy.
4. My Dad.
4. My Mom.
5. People who can talk and wink at the same time. Bravo!
6. Persons who are not afraid to tell me when I'm being uncool. Some times I really just dont realize the things I say and the harshness they come out with. And sometimes my jokes are pretty bad.
7. People who almost get fired for telling people not to fart in the van.
8. Megan for getting fired over a blog.
9. Courtney for moving to arizona. I hope they find her soon.
10. A good old venti chai frapachinkkno early in the moring. And the afternoon. And sometimes after six.

10 ten X

Heres some things wrong with the world.
1. Grave yard shifts
2. When I'm in Barns and Nobel with smack face sitting in the chair right down the aisle from me. Is it possible for one person to be that hid? Can a person be so mannerless that they deserve a mother smack down? The answer is yes and so does their mom.
3. Juicy Steak
4.When theres a long line at walmart and every person in line is breathing down my neck. Look, Just because its a long line doesn't mean your going to loose your place if you dont stand directly on my heel. I mean come on people, I dont want to be death number eight in this world wide swine flu pandemic.
5. Cross walks with hidden bumps in the tar....and me walking across them.....in front of rush hour traffic.
6.People who think I can hear them when i have my ipod in. I'm wearing it for a reason. I can only fake talk on my phone for so long.
7. Watermelon.
8. Grave yard shifts
9. Purfume that you dont realize has effing pretty sparkles in it until you spray it on your self and dont wash off.
10. People who I've never seen get pissed off.

Scooter

Picture dedicated to Coco.

Just added a new member to the family. Used to be just the two tank cleaner fish and I, now we are happily joined by scooter.

Love

MAN, just love everybody. People rock. Unsarcastic.

Oxygen is free

Breathing is ideal when its fresh clean air entering my lungs. As a human, when I take in that nice clean air I send back out a toxin. Theres no way I can avoid this unless I'm to I deny my own nature. I cant choose to release anything different. Isn't that what we are meant to do as humans? When we take in life expericance do we not let that expericance back out changed? We can try to control the way expericances are changed but in the end, what was going to happen will happen.
The leason learned through expericance may be "toxic" to the body and could've come out with less harshness but its not something I can change. Once air is changed in my body, no matter how hard I try I cant take back that breath. I cant make that carbon monoxide back in to clean oxygen. All I can do is learn from that breath.
We all have to breathe.

My Rock Star is Flat

So here counts number three in my eight grave yard shifts. This is really the only time I like this. I think when I'm tired I have much more of an opinion. Usually I just let everyone else do the talking and opinion stating. Once I get tired I decide its my turn and all you better just watch out.

I swear this is just a horrible Deja Vu. I sit in this chair watching movies. Movies? Usually fun. Now, hell. My eyes have this problem where they want to close when its normally time to sleep. Last night my genius told me to try a rockstar. At one point last my legs felt like they were floating independently, but, at least my eyes were wide open. I'm going to try pure will power tonight.

Back to the opinion stating....
When I meet people I have a horrible first impression. I think that I get this bad impression because I dont talk for the first while that I mean someone, unless its work related. Its not cause I'm pissed and its not because I'm shy. **My thoughts** "What better way is there to get to know somebody then by simply watching and listening?" It takes me about an hour to decide what relationship me and new person are going to end up with. They dont always know that we're about to be best friends forever and buy matching braclets, they probably think I hate them. Its really not that hard to be liked. All you have to do is be as real as you are. As soon as I feel like someone says something to impress and build themselves up I loose interest. Keep in mind, I dont have a fair standard becuase I often fall short of my own expectations.
Mostly it just hurts my body to listen to other girls suck up and say things they dont mean, agree with things they dont actually agree with and laugh at things I know they dont think are funny. Fake laughter only convinces fake people.

Rebel without a cause

Today was a tough day.
Woke up just like any old day in Provo at my cousin Courtney's house. Since I'm alone I eat a guiltless bowl of cereal, scrambled eggs AND some fakey sausage. I also added ketchup. Dont judge me.
So I'm leaving her house and as I'm closing the door I think to myself...."Do i lock the door? Courtney usually makes fun of me and my over locking anything i own with a lock"....After a few hesitant moments i figure I'll lock it for Sir Tobens saftey.
Around Four thirty Courtney texts me and asks me if it was me that locked the door.
Turns out they dont have the house key and the ol' husband has to go to the land lady to get in the house. Turns out Land lady dosen't like that and I no longer am able to sleep over. I've never been banned from anywhere and I kinda had a hope that if I ever was it would be for something so much more cool then that. Thats what i get for splurging with that amazing breakfast.
Post Blog.
Working two weeks worth of grave yard shift. Lots of blogs to come.

Finding Happy

Its hard to make everyone happy. In fact, It might even be impossible. I honestly believe that I am a degree of crazy. I dont think they have a name for my crazy cause its entirely possible that I'm the only one with this form of the insanity. (I don't count my OCD as part of this crazy) I'd love to be able to explain why I do the things I do and why I'm living my life. I can only think of one way to say it. EVERYTHING I do, I do to keep myself sane.

I cant believe how powerful the mind is. On top of that I cant handle how strong emotions get. It blows my mind how one persons phone call, one persons smile, even just one persons preasance can change my entire day. Its beautiful to me how much you can feel for someone. Beautiful but back to the crazy...I don't think i was meant to love people. When I do I always find a way to sabotage the bond I've formed. I don't believe people are meant to be alone but sometimes i have to wonder. How the heck does everyone do it? Is that why people lie? How can you love so many people and keep them loving you.

I have a good friend who always says how pain lets us know that we're living. Without pain we would not know happiness. I admire this person to death because when they say it they mean it. I wish I could smile at the beast the way they do. Instead I do everything I have to to avoid feeling any pain. In my head I agree entirely, but my actions keep me safe. I'm sick of being afraid of feeling.

I dont regret anything I did in my life, I will learn from the things i do and take things in stride. My mom asked me to make a goal this week. My goal is to not let negative thoughts into my life. People are beautiful and so is the world. Everyone is here to help each other. I want to be part of the lifting. God love us.

The working class and 24

I've been watching the third season of 24 the past few days. Turns out when I'm watching a series on DVD or reading a book I start to loose the line between reality and fiction(yes, I'm still wondering where Edward ran off to). The story becomes my life. So, now I'm sitting here thinking any minute some guest is going to call down and inform me that they plan on releasing a weaponized virous into our AC system which is going to kill us all unless i get them in touch with the president. Then I remember that I dont know the president, in fact I dont even know who the mayor is. Suddenly I realize, my long time love, jack, will not be coming to save me. Thats why work is hard.

Thats all.